National treasure

Alexis Arquette, member of the famous Arquette acting family, underground cartoonist and transgendered person has always captivated me. I always loved her wicked humor in the drag documentary "Wigstock" and random cinematic appearances in everything from "Pulp Fiction" to "Bride of Chucky". Alexis' quick wit and unapologetic stance on gender ambiguity made her a stand out gem on the latest installment of "The Surreal Life" -- a car crash of a reality show that is just too damn funny to not watch.

The premise of the show, now in season six, is a casting of has-been celebs with young unknown one-trick ponies like Playboy models and professional wrestlers. They live together in a beautifully tricked-out Hollywood Hills house for six weeks or so. Alums include Vanilla Ice, the former Tammy Faye Bakker, Ron Jeremy and Corey Feldman to paint a not-so pretty picture of the insanity behind the show.

The latest freak fest delivers, especially when Tawny Kitean, a one trick, has-been hybrid, gets blasted out of her mind on nose candy, strips and dives into a pool. This is just one of her many mishaps, like not being able to say the words "temper tantrum". Kitean is showing some pretty serious mileage from her "Bachelor Party" and Whitesnake video days and quickly loses the respect of everyone, except the Playboy model twit castmate, within about 20 minutes. Who disrespects Florence Henderson, "spritual advisor" and team mom, and gets away with it? No one, and especially not Tawny. Poor Chuck Finley, it's pretty easy to see his side of the story after watching his ex-wife in action.

Alexis ain't got time for all that mess. While the biological babes are sitting on the sidelines, or passed out in their walk-in closets, Miss A out shines every woman on the show and in the end, gets total admiration from everyone. Flo treats her like Marsha Brady on prom night and even her straight guy co-stars give her respect. In so-called "dark side" violent outbursts, Alexis remains fiercely funny. In one episode she knocks over a set of drums and fellow castmates and rock guys C.C. Deville (Poison) and Steve Harwell (Smashmouth) seem pretty impressed. Shouldn't that earn her some sort of Tommy Lee scout badge?

Alexis' true rock potential is realized by singing lead on the casts' version of Poison's "Talk Dirty to Me." The wig, makeup, leather vixen outfit, choreography and live singing are incredible. I might have liked Poison if Alexis Arquette had been their singer. Bret Michaels has nothing on Alexis. His lipstick was always too pink.

Watch out boys -- Alexis could drag you back to her dressing room by the hair, if she chose.