The Sperminator: Part IV

With four kids in four years, Kevin Federline might be the most genetically successful celebrity of the moment. Instead of flashing a suburban gang sign, I think he is saying in this photo that he will impreganate each of his women twice before moving on to the next. His reproductive prowess rivals the champion heavyweight stud supreme, Oscar De La Hoya, who fathered three children with three different women in a span of 13 months, 11 days back in 1998. I thought only AKC registered field trial dogs were able to get away with such behavior.

If he had the ambition his sperm has, who knows how far K-Fed could go with his career. Of course having a career with any longevity or integrity would counter the trash de jour image that Spederline have so carefully crafted in the past two years. I have wanted to ignore them, but the tragedy that was their short-lived UPN series, "Chaotic" was the fatal car crash that I had to watch a couple of times.

It wasn't stupid funny like "The Anna Nicole Show" or "Newlyweds". It was just plain old stupid with no irony, no tongue-in-cheek moments and no humor. From the two episodes I watched, I really got the feeling that Britney and Kevin really wanted everyone to know exactly how many times a day they proved their love when they weren't pimpin' it velour sweat suit style in the back of a stretch hummer with their corn rows and spray tans.

I thought Britney had something going on back in 1998. The Catholic school girl video ("Hit me one more time") was edgy with a nice good girl/bad girl vibe. Somehow the small town Louisiana kid was able to shed the nuevo Mouseketeer image and project something attention worthy. In retrospect, I guess it was a pretty desperate time of N' Synch, Backstreet Boys and The Spice Girls and those idiots who created "Barbie Girl" so in the world of pre-fab pop, I guess she was a breath of artificially-flavored air freshener.

Poor K-Fed finds himself in the impossible position of being a professional hanger on. He can try to be as down as Justin Timberlake wants to be, but will never be more than a professional fertilizer who surely would be trying to sell car stereos at Circuit City had his "dancing career" not come along. However, in terms of genetic success, something I learned about recently in a biology course, this guy is on the top of Trump Tower and at this rate he will have an army of Federspawn to take care of him long after the spotlights have repositioned themselves.